March 2016

*****

Dear Fate;

Whoever is responsible for my present condition obviously cares a great deal. For me, it was such a wonderful miracle to see such light in a woman. The moment you came into my life it was like a day I had started off without the sun, it was dawn and it was cruel. Suddenly, and without warning, the sunshine breaks through the dimness and lights up everything.

*****

I could have chosen to type this, but I can’t. I can’t because I know I can’t. I already had started to type but the subject of my writing kept me distracted. I always wanted to hold onto something for a long to me, perhaps that’s why I find it comfortable to hold onto this pen. I want to see my bad hand writing. I wanted to see my mistakes. I want to write my past so I can forget it. I want to be born again in hope and with luck.

I made very many mistakes, just like I have already made mistakes in this writing and I will continue to make more. This is a concrete proof I can’t and I will never be perfect. When, how, why are all descriptive terms of time-space. They are the only guardians of time who can explain the reason for me ever meeting you. Of all my encounters, meetings, mistakes, strengths, and everything am proud of, you rank not at the top, but alone. I have never been capable of classifying even to the least degree of how much you meant to me, and just how much you will remain stuck in my present as a shadow of my weakness.

It is hence the intention of this writing to cut and paste this deep will to yield hope. I will write and say what I never said, I will write and fill this paper with sections and gaps of my paste that still haunt me to date. It is until late in my past that I have discovered why I have never been so indwelt into people’s business. I have created very high walls of perfection within me that only few people dare to cross over. But there was and still is one caption and moment in my past I was wall-less. I was free. I saw light. I felt alive. I breathed green and fresh air. And that was the moment you came into my life.

Such a luminous face with darling doll bright eyes. You are truly a very rare species of humans who resemble perfection and are a constant proof of the existence of unnatural gifts of…suddenly am beginning to lack word but I wish to say this before am done, perhaps I was shy but you made me twice shy. I would if I could but describing how naturally beautiful you are could resemble exaggeration, so I won’t. I could if I would but I can’t explain about how I still feel goose bumps, but that you already know, so I won’t say.

However, I can and I will run away, so away from you as your sight dispels my personality and disturbs my inner peace. I will and I can, however, point out without an interior motive that, what you were to me you still are and please forgive my insanity to mention that you still will remain the most beautiful amazing and lovable creature I will perhaps ever set my eyes upon.