Too Full to be Good

I have been thinking, thinking too hard. I have been thinking about a certain girl. I have tried distracting myself with fun and boring events. I have tried to get her out of my mind. And then today I heard a quote, that was supposedly intended to make me feel better about this girl, but after I had heard some song whose search has been consuming most of my brain power, my mind came back to this girl again.

There is nothing special about this girl, just that I saw myself in her, like déjà vu. She is around 6 or 7 years, slightly emaciated, and generally weak. I was in town (Nairobi, Kenya) two days ago, and I felt a soft hand touch my left hand, kinda like I still reserve the autonomy to listen, and the fact is, I didn’t. I continued to walk. She followed me holding my wrist, and after walking some few meters, I finally decided to look. It was some young girl holding some sweets up high in the hope that I may buy one. I kindly took her hand off my wrist and told her “next time.” Immediately after, I felt so deeply awful about myself that I looked back, but when I almost turned back, I convinced myself that I will find her there when I am coming back. I usually give out coins to the unfortunate in the streets, and once a hundred. I had coins, in fact I had one in my hand, several other in my pocket, few hundreds, and one or two thousand. I was going to use then to buy some pants.

But this girl wasn’t begging, she was asking me to buy her sweets at whatever cost I feel fair, just so maybe she may add the profit to her savings to buy some food. I bet her mom was around, probably breast-feeding her younger brother. The probable reason I didn’t buy is because I had a lot in my mind, or I just didn’t care, or maybe am changing. My kindness is leaving my soul. And this is frightening to the bones.

I am planning of starting a software company, how will I make it against the great tide of corruption, injustice, and morally ill society? If I can’t be kind to those below me, how do I expect those above me to sign me business contracts? Humility has always been something I have prided myself of possessing, but I don’t feel the same anymore. However, this incident brought me back to my roots, hopes and dreams. I want to start a company to find money to build a children’s home. And a hospital and school for them. And I will.

The quote I read was

“The production of too many useful things results in too many useless people.”

― Karl Marx

This quote implies that excess is harmful and dangerous, and it does not matter if it is the excessive creation of something really good, as even in positive things excess turns into negative consequences. I like the quote because it’s different and twisted, but what bad could happen if everybody loved, cared and treated their neighbor with respect, honor and as equal to themselves?

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